I’m very happy because I did not visit my father 

Today I am very happy. I am very happy not because I did something. But I am very happy because I did not do something. I am very happy because I did not visit my father. Yes.

 I did not visit my father at the Gamokongwana graveyard. I did not visit my father’s grave. You see, I would attempt to be honest with you, ever since we buried my father, ever since Thatis, with Kanye, Culture le Sledge’s help, me and my brother too, cemented papa’s grave, I have visited papa every time when I was home: 2010; 2012; 2015. The only time I went on my own was in 2009, perhaps about 4 months after we buried him. I quietly drove mama’s white Korea’s (probably South) imported station wagon. I went to see my father alone; it was then that I had a very personal conversation with him. If I remember well, I don’t think I even cried then, I had no energy left in me to cry. It’s paradoxical that we tend to look at crying as a sign of weakness, but nobody talks about the energy needed to actually cry. When I had conversations with my father I was tired of crying. 

 In 2017, as usual, before boarding the 10-hour Virgin flight to Jozi, I looked forward to visiting my father. This is the longest I would be at home ever since we buried papa in 2009. I had planned that during my time in Kanye, I would take only my mother one day, the other my siblings together, sometime his sisters, and then his cousin, rraagwe Philip, perhaps other than his late brother, the one other male that they really grew together. I had perfectly planned it all. 

 What is interesting is we talked about my father in passing when I was home. As expected my mother lead. The other time I remember was Rre Sonny Mogojwa, son to my father’s uncle, the late Rre Hologang Mogojwa. I remember at the Goora Mogojwa kgotla, during Philip’s wedding Sonny uttered: “Hee mosimane yoo o nkgopotsa Raagwe Molly jang (This boy so reminds me of his father).” Among the elders there was one that I didn’t recognise, they went on to tell him who my father was, he looked me in the eyes and greeted me with a firm handshake. 

Another of my father moment was at a funeral, a funeral of my childhood friend Mmeikhos father. It was there that I met my father’s uncle Rraagwe Philip. We talked for a while and he kept on going how my father was very patient, although my brother and I would disagree. Rraagwe Philip went onto tell me a story of when they were young boys, he pointed out that since he was always fighting other boys, my father always stopped him: ‘’O ne a le bokgwabo!’’ He concluded. Perhaps I should have pointed out to Rraagwe Philip that my father had a nickname: Mogalegale, or the short-tempered one. Probably he was, only to his boys?

 I am happy because I did not visit my father.

 My last few days at home, together with my mother we planned a trip to visit my father. Within my last two days, as we ran around Kanye: she drove me to the hospital owing to my sudden flu, she took countless photos of me around the village. My favourite was at the Main Kgotla (it’s a nice picture right!), ko kgosing, whereby she was reluctant to take a picture of me because we could get in trouble. The other one was at the murals on the difalana whereby she clarified what the difalana were actually used for. I am happy that I did not visit my father.

 I believe me not visiting my father is a revelation that I should not only visit him at the graveyard. I should not reduce my great father to death. My father lived and played his part on this earth. To remember my father does not only mean I have to go to the graveyard. As his cousin and his uncle have demonstrated, to remember and honour my father means that I have to live this life! And within it, my father is there with me, as he has always been.

 I am very happy because I did not visit my father at the graveyard!